Why Women Aren't Attracted To Nice Guys
ATTENTION “NICE GUYS”:
If you are a “nice guy” who never seems to be able to attract HOT women, or you have attractive female friends who always seem to say, “He’s really wonderful, but I just like him as a FRIEND”, then this could possibly be the single most important thing you ever read in your entire life.
And I’m not kidding… not even a little.
If I had to sum up the biggest mistake that I see men making with women (and the big mistake that I’ve made myself too many times to count), it’s being a WUSSY.
Being a WUSS comes in two main flavors:
1) Acting like a WUSSY to begin with.
2) Turning INTO a WUSSY as you get to know her.
I would venture to guess that most men either act like WUSSIES with women they’re attracted to ALL the time, or they turn into WUSSIES within a few weeks or months of meeting a woman that they REALLY like.
I know, this sounds a little strange, right?
What the heck should being a Wuss have to do with attracting women?
The answer: EVERYTHING.
Let’s review a few of the most important concepts to remember when it comes to attracting women:
1) ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE. As humans, we don’t “consciously choose” who we FEEL attracted to. It just “happens” to us… BANG! And you can’t “convince” someone to FEEL this powerful emotion.
2) ATTRACTION DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. When you think about the concept of being emotionally attracted to another person, it only “makes sense” that you should feel attracted to good qualities like “niceness” and “honesty” and “loyalty”, right? Well guess what… ATTRACTION doesn’t play by those rules.
The things that we are ATTRACTED to don’t make “logical sense” when you look at them. We all know that attractive women seem to date a lot of abusive jerks… and that men often stay in relationships with unhappy, domineering women. For ATTRACTION to make “logical sense”, you must learn how it works, and get a deeper understanding of what triggers it.
3) STATUS is very important when it comes to ATTRACTION. Women are almost NEVER attracted to men of “lower status” than themselves. This is why certain stereotypes exist, such as women not liking shorter men, and women who make a lot of money being intimidating to men.
4) ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HAVE A LOT OF CHOICES. Most men have never even taken a minute of their lives to consider what it must be like to be an attractive woman. Attractive women are approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME by men who are interested in them.
For an attractive woman, every smile, every kind gesture, and every favor is in one way or another viewed as INTEREST. An attractive woman is approached in one way or another MANY times a day. It would be impossible for an attractive woman to give even a small fraction of her time to each of the men who shows interest in her.
5) MEN ARE SOOOOO UNORIGINAL. Just as most men have never given a thought to how it must feel and what it must be like to be an attractive woman, most men have never given a thought to the fact that MEN ARE PREDICTABLE BEYOND BELIEF… from an attractive woman’s point of view.
The comment or compliment that you think is so original, or the invitation to a date… or the question about her having a boyfriend… or the comment that “her boyfriend is a lucky man”… is so UNORIGINAL, PREDICTABLE… AND WORST OF ALL, BORING to an attractive woman. She gets this stuff 100 times a day! And men who are unoriginal do NOT stand out from the crowd.
6) ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HAVE WUSS-DAR! There are a few simple, unmistakable signals that men give off that say, “Hey, I’m just another WUSS, so don’t pay attention to anything else I do, because I’ll always be one”… which, of course, makes women RUN.
(As a side note, attractive women also have NON-WUSS-DAR as well. In other words, from a few simple clues, an attractive woman can quickly know if she is dealing with a man who is NOT a Wuss, and who, therefore, will be one of the few who are allowed the time and consideration for romantic interactions.)
Soooo, what is it about being a WUSS that is the big problem here?
Why is it that of all things in the world, this is the “big sin” when it comes to attracting women?
It’s taken me several years now to really figure this out, and it’s not exactly simple to explain
But, I’ll sum it up and say this:
WOMEN COME “PRE-PROGRAMMED” WITH A MENTAL IMAGE OF THE KIND OF MAN THAT THEY SHOULD FEEL ATTRACTION FOR. THIS PROGRAMMING IS BOTH GENETIC AND CULTURAL. WHEN A WOMAN MEETS THIS MAN, THINGS HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN… INSTANTLY.
Now, I personally believe that MOST of this programming is genetic. In other words, women are BORN with it.
Attraction isn’t like other things that “seem” like they should be similar.
If you want to make friends with someone, you should be nice, do them favors, be courteous, and generally act like you’re making an effort.
But, when you try to take this kind of thinking and apply it to ATTRACTION (which almost all men do), then you find yourself doing things that SHOULD work… but they don’t.
ATTRACTION is very “counter intuitive” (damn, I love it when I use big words)… which means that it’s not the way it “should” be. It’s different than it seems at first glance. It’s deceptive in a way because unless you “get” how it works, you’ll just keep beating your head up against the wall doing things that don’t work, “trying harder” when these things fail, and actually making things WORSE as a result of not understanding it.
Have you ever met a woman and given her a compliment, only to have her walk away and show no interest?
Or pursued a woman with gifts, favors, and dinners, only to have her be “confused” and need “time alone”… which eventually led to her wanting to “just be friends”?
Have you ever had an attractive female friend who liked to date abusive jerks… and then tell YOU about the abuse she was putting up with… all the while you would have done ANYTHING for a chance to be with her?
Yeah, me too.
That’s what I mean it when I say that you can actually make things WORSE by TRYING HARDER when you don’t “get” how attraction works.
If I had to sum it all up, and describe the one HUGE mistake that men make with women… the one that causes the most pain and prevents the most success, I’d have to say that it was…
BEING A WUSSY, OR TURNING INTO ONE.
For a lot of reasons, a WUSSY just doesn’t make for an interesting, romantic counterpart. Women will SETTLE for a Wuss, or even SETTLE DOWN with one (usually after the Wuss has demonstrated his TOTAL lack of self-respect, and his COMPLETE willingness to put aside all of his own needs for a woman).
Unfortunately, this often ends with the woman cheating on the Wuss, leaving him for someone else, taking everything from him (including his self esteem) etc…
I digress…
The point is, a WUSSY doesn’t trigger ATTRACTION.
Wussies are BORING. They’re needy. They lack ENERGY, act CLINGY, and make women feel TRAPPED and repulsed.
Everything about the WUSS spells “DON’T PICK ME”.
Now, the first thing most guys say when they hear this news is, “But I don’t want to be a JERK to women” or “I like the idea of being NICE” or “I’m just being MYSELF with women… what’s wrong with that?”.
I can identify.
I get it.
I spent many years of my life thinking these kinds of things.
Well, the good news is that you don’t need to be a “jerk” or treat women badly to attract them. lol…
You just need to:
1) Abandon your Wussy Ways.
2) Learn how ATTRACTION works.
3) Change how you look at relationships.
4) Learn the specific things that you need to do in each situation to meet women and make them feel that wonderful, powerful, magical, elusive emotion called ATTRACTION.
5) Never “slip”, or allow yourself to start behaving like a WUSSY as you get to know a woman.
Doesn’t sound too hard, right?
Good…
I’d like to get you started with some homework.
You have an assignment for the week.
Here it is:
1) Stop being “nice” to attractive women. This means no asking women out, no giving them lots of compliments, no putting your needs aside, no accepting manipulative behavior to please women, and no giving women special treatment or privileges just because they’re attractive. NOTE: I did NOT say to treat women BADLY. I’m just telling you to stop doing all the FAKE things you’re doing just to make women like you.
2) Stop handing women your, um, testosterone making devices on a silver platter. In other words, stop giving away your power to women. Do not communicate in ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM that you will put aside your own self respect in order to get a woman’s approval.
3) Say the word “NO” to a request from an attractive woman at least once every single day. Do NOT do this in an angry, mean, or abusive way. Just simply say, “no”. (By the way, it’s OK to say “no” in a serious tone, then DO the thing she requested after making her sweat a little. This is using sarcasm and humor, and if it’s done right it will earn you big points).
4) Pay close attention as you do these things, and notice how attractive women will seem MORE comfortable being around you, and want to spend MORE time with you… all because you’re not acting needy, clingy, and WUSS-LIKE.
And if you haven’t had a chance to download your copy of my online eBook Double Your Dating, then you need to do that IMMEDIATELY. You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes from right now.
It’s here:
And I’ll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David DeAngelo