Overcoming Fear And Meeting Women In Bars


i love your news letter and i have been reading it for almost a year. i have been with the same girl for nine months because of you dave! i used to the same way about chics, buying them dinners, etc. but once i started applying your techniques i met the love of my life. i drive a piece of crap and i am a broke college student. i played like i didnt care when my girl and i first met before i know it she’s giving me lots of great sex, money, dvd player, clothes, etc. i was cocky and funny but also threw in a little sweetness to catch her off gaurd. Ladies get bored with the same old dates,etc. I did OUTRAGEOUS THINGS IN AND OUT OF THE BEDROOM AND NOW WE ARE PROBABLY GOING TO GET MARRIED LATER ON WHEN I GET OUT OF COLLEGE!



What’s this you say?

You have a great girl buying YOU things… including clothes, and even DVD players?

Very powerful stuff.

You know, in your letter you mentioned throwing in a “little sweetness” to “catch her off guard.”

I would like to share a little profound revelation:

It’s OK to be sweet.

Yes, I know, sounds a little weird coming from me.

But, it is OK to be sweet to women.

The problem is that most guys do it TOO MUCH, and TOO SOON. And they come across as needy Wuss Boys who are trying to use “niceness” to manipulate.

When you meet a girl you really like and decide that you want to take things to a “relationship” level, it’s actually great to be sweet.

Just don’t do it before date #10! lol…


Hi Dave,

I recently had a very serious conversation with my boyfriend of two years about threesomes.   I know this isn’t really a dating question, but I want to get some input about this situation in relationships in general and I thought you and your newsletter would be a good place to start. I am aware that as far as every guy in the world is concerned a threesome is the best thing that could happen in a relationship because he gets to have twice as much fun as normal.   But could most guys actually go through with it?Could they really have sex (or whatever else) with a girl while being in a serious relationship with another? Does this stuff even go through the mind of the average male?

I am also aware that guys like two girl and one guy threesomes and not the other way around. would a guy think about the situation more if it were their girlfriend having sex with another guy? Also, how often do threesome ideas make it out of the minds of men and into the bedroom?

hope you can answer some of my questions

es canada


You’re right about this not being a dating question, but who cares… it’s a question about all men’s favorite fantasy, so I’ll allow it.

Now, what the heck are you doing asking, “Would a guy think about the situation more if it were their girlfriend having sex with another guy?”

Who cares! No guys do. They only want to know what you’d look like kissing your best friend.


And yes, your boyfriend could “have sex (or whatever else)” with a girl while being in a serious relationship with another.

Hey, you’re the one who opened up the barn door by having the “very serious conversation” with him.

Let me know if it happens. We’re all on the edge of our seats here.


You know what David, you were right, and I feel sick to my stomach right now. I met this woman, went out a few times, nailed her the first night and all that. I bought her some flowers for Valentine’s Day, mostly because she complained like 3 times since I’ve known her (only a couple weeks) that she never gets flowers on Valentine’s Day, so I wanted to surprise her.

So I took great care to sneak around her while she wasn’t looking, and plant them where she’d find them. Well she did, and here’s what she said, “Oh, that’s a really nice gesture, but next time just leave them in my car okay? I don’t want the other students giving me a hard time or making faces at me (this was at karate class)”,   In one quick moment, my heart sank right to the floor, and I felt WORSE about myself than before I bought her the flowers! NEVER AGAIN am I wasting money on this bullsh** holiday unless I’ve been with someone for a year or more.

I can’t believe I actually feel LESS close, and like I have LESS power with this woman than I did before I did something nice for her. You better believe I won’t make this mistake again. If you’re willing, please share this story with your readers so that at least the other guys can benefit from my ignorance, and learn a lesson from it too.   J


Hey, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’d offer a hug, but what YOU need is to be slapped up side the head for being a JACKASS!

You bought something for a woman because she COMPLAINED?

Here, do this:

Go in the bathroom.

Find the mirror.

Take a big black sharpie pen, and write the following on your forehead (backwards, so you can read it):


Try that.

If you’re still with this girl in a YEAR, then buy her some flowers.

But, will you leave them in her car this time?

Thanks for contributing… you’ve probably saved many guys from a similar fate.



First of all, I would like to say that I really enjoy reading your newsletters. A male friend of mine started receiving them, and he now has me reading them too. Now, thanks to you, we have both adopted a “NO WUSS” policy..he’s going to stop being one, and I’m going to stop dating them. :)

I have a question that I would like your insight on.. perhaps I should set the stage with a sample online conversation… (After the usual initial blah blah and silly comments on my part, he asked and I sent him a pic)

him: yep, cute

him: how tall are u

me: 5’10″

(insert cricket sound effects and silence)

me: helloooooooooo

him: later.. need to go work on a paper the end.

Me to the cricket: well, at least he didn’t ask if I play basketball.

My question is this.. are most men really intimidated by taller women? If so, why? I have actually dated a couple of people who were obviously uncomfortable with my being taller than they are. One even asked if I would mind not wearing heels when we’re out together, because it made him feel weird. Needless to say, he got the boot. (ha) If this is a silly concern, feel free to hit “delete” or tell me to consult the pages of Cosmo. I can take it! :) I’d just like to know if there’s anything I can do to make these guys feel more at ease.

Thanks a lot!



Yes, a lot of guys are intimidated by tall women.

No, I’m not.

Yes, send me your number and picture.

By the way, I fit your “No Wussy” policy. I’m your man.


Hi Dave,

You are a Brat. I wanted to clarify something from my letter which seemed to set you off. That part about school/marraige/fairness: To be fair, if he invested in my education, as my husband, he would more likely get a return on that investment than if he were just a boyfriend I was living with. It is my opinion that people who live together have all these committed ties, but one foot out the door. Kinda like playing house. Personally, I don’t like doing things that half-a**ed, and would prefer to eventually make a home–with the right guy.

You are right on about him needing your material, but if I sent him your e-book, it would be insulting, don’t cha think? I do get bored if a guy doesn’t keep me on my toes, I know that about myself. And, after awhile, it’s a bore being the only one pointing up to the sky.

What’s the deal with you, anyway? Are you just shopping? What happens to a guy who has all the lines? Maybe this forum your path to personal enlightenment. So, how’s that going?   SC from Sac


Ohhhh, well thanks for clarifying.

I understand now.

If he supports you and pays for you to go to school when you’re MARRIED, then “he would more likely get a return on that investment than if he were a boyfriend I was living with”…


More likely.

Return on investment.

I feel ya.

That changes everything and makes it completely fair.

Oh, and I didn’t recommend that you buy him my eBook. I recommended that you buy him my ADVANCED MATERIAL. He needs serious help, dear.

And what’s the deal with ME?

Am I “just shopping”?

“What happens to a guy who has all the lines?”

What do you mean “What happens?”

You make it sound like I should be going through some empty feeling of superficial accomplishment followed by a depressing realization of unfulfillment… now that I know the secrets of how to make women feel attracted to me.

Sorry, can’t help you there.

Knowing what makes women “tick” kicks ass!


Hi David,

this is a letter from one of your italian fans….after having received your newsletter for several months now, im really thinking to purchase your e-book… i was specially impressed by the “cocky&funny” attitude which attracts women in a great way! and damn! this stuff works!!!

the interesting thing i want you to know is that i have been a horrible wussy for several years! i did almost everything on your wussy list! like being nice to everyone….and so on…(; fortunately (at the age of 20, now im 22)   i had the luck to meet a guy of 27 years who was very successfull and experienced in approaching and “getting fisical” with girls…he taught me a lot about psicology of women and other very intresting stuff you already should know…(; almost each weekend we went out he got to know new girls, specially american students here in rome and other really good looking italian beautys…i analyzed what he did, his behaviour and so on…

and now we ask ourselves…why was he so successfull? and the answer is that he was almost all the time cocky and funny! always making fun of the girls! and he wasnt even goodlooking, just medium…i began to imitate his behaviour and since then i had an incredible success with girls which surprised myself and all my friends because i was dating one really hot girl after another….so if you want to get interesting or “attractive” you gotta be special, unique, full of selfesteem, funny, unpredictable and all the other stuff you teach us! thats the way how it works…sure there are thousands of other things to do…i dont need to tell you…

now i got a very important question for you, i think that this should be a big help for almost everyone receiving your newsletters or already owning your e-book. my biggest problem is the first contact…how to behave afterwards and how to get fisical later is much easier in my opinion…lets take this example, im in a pub with a friend of mine, close to us are, lets say 3 goodlooking girls on a table and two of them seem to be interested because they keep on looking to us…they smile at us, look in our eyes for a few seconds and play with their hair, showing you their “delicious” neck , talk with a loud voice to take your attention and so on ( some of the signs women usually make)…

my problem is now how to go on! they seem to be interested but nobody is outgoing enough to walk over to the other table to start a conversation in order to establish a first contact.. you always teach us that the content of the conversation is not so important as the way you say it right?   but what can i tell them? (fear of rejection i know) . how would you react or behave? walking by, what would you tell them? ( i think just asking them if they want to sit down with us on our table is very wussy)… try to give us concrete examples of the first “cocky&funny” contact in a pub or other tipical places… that would be great…

thanks for helping the wussyfied planet…(;

M.M.   Rome, Italy


You know, I’m glad to hear that you met a guy who was successful with women, and learned from him.

OF COURSE he was Cocky & Funny.

I learned most of my best ideas about how to meet women from guys who were successful with women, and I found that they all did basically the SAME things… even though they didn’t “realize” that they were doing anything at all, for the most part.

Meeting and hanging out with “naturals” is one of the very best things you can do to learn how to be more successful with women (the other is to study the materials that I’ve put together at the same time, so you can have the advantage of having it all explained to you).

Now, to answer your question about approaching women in “a pub.”

I think the issue that you’re PROBABLY dealing with is REJECTION.

You’re probably afraid to go start a conversation because you don’t want to be rejected by women.

Once you can face this reality and start to deal with it, then you’ll start making more progress.

My experience starting conversations with groups of more than one woman in bars is that your ENERGY makes a huge impact.

In other words, if you walk over and act nervous and stilted, the women will get nervous and act cold.

If you act like you’re having a good time, you think they look like some fun people to talk to, and you start on that note, they’ll be FAR more likely to be friendly and open.

Now, I know a lot of guys who are GREAT at meeting women in bars. Some of them use rather interesting and complex techniques that range from “pick up lines” all the way to magic and psychic readings.

Try this:

Pick up your drink, walk over to the table, think of the funniest moment of your life so you have a smile on your face and say, “What, are you girls shy or something?”

When they say, “NO, why?”

Answer, “Because I’ve been sitting at the next table for at least a half hour and you haven’t come over to say hi to me!”

I have about 3 different friends who all use variations of this opening… and it works great (if you’re having fun when you say it).

You need to get over your FEAR. Once you stop caring what women think of you, then you’ll make a LOT more progress.


Hey, I got your eBook a month or so ago. Great stuff. I write a comment to you because of one of your letters, the one from “M. Missouri”, specifically. He described starting his marriage with the C&F and losing his touch. My advise: hit the book, bud. My marriage was the typical story of the wife with all the power. This last month, the whole deal has turned on its head. We’re celebrating our 10th anniversary next year, and my use of your eBook has moved the power from her to at least shared (it’ll be all mine soon enough).

The posture advise, and slowed deliberate, confident movements, and, of course, the “like I give a F” attitude all have brought this about. Thanks David, and to the guy who’s losing his edge, take it from someone that had no edge and is getting all of the control: you’ve let the book sit unstudied for too long. If I can change over 8 years of bad history, you can reel your situation back in.

P in Portland


Great job, man.

Too many guys have this ideal or fantasy in their minds of “being equals” with a woman, etc.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Attractive woman aren’t interested in an EQUAL.

They’re NEVER attracted to guys who are EQUALS.

Attractive women want a guy who is a LEADER. One who takes charge, keeps them on their toes, is unpredictable, Cocky & Funny, etc.

Thanks for the letter.


David, this might seem usual but I owe you $40. See I purchased your ebook about a year ago but asked for a refund because “it didn’t work for me”. I realize now that it wasn’t your material rather my own issues that I had to deal with. During that time frame I still read your newsletters and gained more understanding of the mindset of one who “Gets it”. I’m still working on that but as you said, some are quicker learners than others.

Another factor in this was the other day when this hottie that I was chatting up was saying how she would hold out longer if the guy was “relationship material” than if she wanted a booty call. (A great time for a quick C&Fcomeback) A light clicked on and I remembered where I’d read that before. The clincher was when a buddy of mine let me listen to some of your advanced material.   All I can say is that I’m getting my own copy as soon as I can. So where do I send you your money?

Thanks, E.S. in San Diego.


I admire you for coming back a year later and admitting that you were the issue, not the material.


lol… hey, it’s OK.

Yes, women do “hold out” longer if a guy is “relationship material”… that is, if they are in CONTROL of the situation they do.

And yes, at that point you should have shot back:

“So that’s how you think of me… as just a BOOTY CALL? How romantic.”

You know, sometimes I even find it hard to believe that all this strange stuff is true about women and dating.

But, it is…



What are you doing?   Wait I’ll answer that, YOU are   taking away ALL of the fun we get to have! Ok I’ll admit you’re right about most, ok all, of it, but there is still at least ONE thing that I know you have never answered.   If we put a guy into your so called “Friends” category even YOU don’t know how to get him out of it!

JB -Canada

P.S. I recommend you stop selling your books and “advanced tactics” before you do something serious.


Yeah, I’m really in danger now, huh?

And you’re right… once a guy is in the “friends” category it’s not easy to get out.

In fact, I tell guys to just walk away and forget about it, because it’s such a pain to try to change.

But, there’s GREAT NEWS!

There are SO MANY women running around on this planet that it DOESN’T MATTER.


The ironic part is that when you do take the “Next!” attitude and stop treating a woman, who only likes you as a friend, like she’s special, she’ll often change her mind and start liking you.

Go figure.


First off, I am an avid reader of your material and I employ it often.   It works – well.   I bought your ebook about a year ago and it was worth every penny. Anyway, enough ass-kissing.   I have a general comment about the whole gift-buying, dinner-buying kissing a woman’s ass concept.   You say that doing such things to win over a woman’s attention are foolish.   I agree wholeheartedly. However, I am in a relationship now with a woman that I really like, and sometimes I want to buy her things or take her out, etc. This isn’t because I feel I have to, but it is because I want to treat her well.   I don’t feel that if I don’t do this, she will leave me.

Therein lies the difference between being foolish and needy about it, and doing it by your own decision.   It is the INTENT behind what you do that is important.   If you do something for a woman because you feel you have to or you will possibly lose her, she can more than likely sense that, and will have limitless amounts of power over you.   If you do something because you want to, then she will sense the apparent confidence in you, and will not necessarily have power over you because of it. Besides, like you say, a woman should want you for YOU – your personality – not what you can buy her or where you can take her. NOTE: I agree that gift-giving, etc. is a somewhat bad idea in the beginning of a relationship for the same reasons you don’t like it.   It makes you appear needy and insecure, and no (emotionally stable) woman wants that in a man.

P.S.   It was your material that helped give me the mentality to get with the girl I am dating currently. Good work fella!

J from Philly



You get it!

It’s the intent behind what you’re doing.

I have a little secret that I’m going to share with you. But lean in close, so I can whisper. I don’t want anyone else to hear…

I actually have guy friends who are REALLY good with women who take women to dinner, buy them drinks, etc. when they first meet.

What, you say?

How can this be?

Well, the big difference is that these guys are NOT doing this stuff to GET THE WOMAN’S APPROVAL.

And since EVERYTHING ELSE they’re doing clearly communicates the RIGHT things, they can actually do whatever they want, and still not screw things up.

In other words, if you don’t understand how ATTRACTION works, and you don’t know how to communicate with women in a way that makes them feel it for YOU, then buying drinks and dinner, and giving compliments, and all the other things most guys do will only BACKFIRE.

On the other hand, once you totally understand how and why women feel ATTRACTION, you can do whatever you want.

And later on, when you find a girl that you really like and you’re enjoying a relationship, of course it’s nice to do nice things for her.

Just remember, be very careful.

It’s easy to be lured back to the dark side… and to try to get women to like you by paying for things and taking them places… which it will never do.


Hey Dave,

I just finished reading your latest newsletter and I had a thought that I wanted to share. You talked a lot about guys chasing women and showering them with gifts to buy their love.   Well, I have a common sense point to make to any of your readers that may be on the fence about buying your materials.

Before I purchased your book, I had doubts because I wasn’t sure it would be worth the money.   To put it into perspective, I thought about all the girls I dated in the past.   Then I roughly added up all the money I had spent on each for dinner, gifts, etc.   (Yes, I know, that was wussy behavior). Well, after totaling up the money, I realized I could have bought all your materials (book, CD and DVD series) for myself and five of my close friends and still had money left over (Yes, I spent that much money on women in the past.   I know, that was bad). Point is, to any guy (or girl) out there, take the money you’re wasting chasing some girl and buy Dave’s book or CD/DVD series.   It’s worth it.

Now to my question.   I know this is getting long but I gave you a plug so you owe me.   Have you taken any courses or read any books on conversation skills? Can you recommend any books on the subject and also on the subject of body language? Thanks,

AG in PA


You’re right-on about one thing…

If most guys added up all the money they’ve WASTED on women, they’d realize what a BAD investment they’ve made (and what a great investment my stuff is! I like your idea… I’m going to tell every guy to get my materials for them and all their friends from now on. Nice!)

The best books I’ve ever read on conversation skills are COMEDY books. I like the book “Comedy Writing Secrets” by Helitzer.

And as far as body language books go, I haven’t found any that I can recommend. The book “Body Language” by Fast, has some interesting stuff in it… but most of it is hard to really grasp.

One of the biggest problems I ran into when I was first learning how to meet women was that things didn’t make sense… and things that “should” work DIDN’T work.

When it comes to women and ATTRACTION the normal rules don’t apply anymore. This area of life is VERY DIFFERENT from other areas, and when you try to apply ideas and techniques from other areas (like conversation skills), you’ll find that they often don’t work AT ALL.

You can walk into a room full of 100 people, and start walking around meeting them.

For 99 of them, walking over and saying, “Hi, how do you know everyone here?” and “So, what do you do?” will work just fine.

But when you find that ONE attractive woman in the room that you’d like to meet, and you want to start an interaction that leads to ATTRACTION, you must do something TOTALLY different.

It’s more than the words you say… it’s a total understanding of what that woman is looking for on a deep, primal, subconscious level… and then to BE that man.



Sometimes I have to just stop in the middle of your newsletters and take a break because the stuff you deliver is so good that I feel a little overwhelmed… killer stuff!   I love the ebook and CD collection.   I will send some details later.

You really do more good in the lives you touch then you know.   I hope you can truly appreciate that statement and all that it means.   We should all be so fortunate to have such a positive impact on a single life… let alone the many that you influence.

Best regards, E. Chicago, IL


Yes, someone give me a trophy… or a medal or something.

I really am a wonderful guy, huh?

Trust me, if you had this much fun doing what I’m doing, you’d do it, too…


Hi Dave

I’ve been receiving your free newsletter for a few months now and just wanted to say that I’ve found much of what you’ve written   to be helpful, insightful, and most of all funny!   Like a lot of other guys I’ve spent a LOT of time trying to learn how to impress and have success with women, and I like to think that I’ve come quite a long way from the needy, desperate wussy-man I used to be   (and still am on occasion, admittedly).

My question involves one of the ‘testing’ behaviors you described in a previous newsletter. You said that one way women often test men is by canceling plans at the last minute, or by flaking out altogether with little or no notice.   I’ve had this happen to me numerous times and I always assumed these girls were just being careless or inconsiderate… or worse yet, ignoring me in the hopes that I would “get the message” and walk away, without them having to go thru the awkwardness of outright rejecting me!

It never occurred to me that they might be doing it intentionally, and then taking note of my response in order to see if I passed some kind of test.   Is that really what’s going on?   And if so, how do I pass the test?   What is a woman looking for in this type of situation?

Thanks, T


Well, it is true that women use things like this to test men… but it’s ALSO true that women do things like this because they want to AVOID CONFRONTATION.

In other words, a woman will sometimes make plans with a guy just to avoid saying “no” in the moment.

But later, she’ll flake or cancel because “something came up”… when she never intended to show up in the first place.

If women are flaking out on you a lot, it’s probably something that YOU’RE doing up front.

In any case, try this:

Next time you’re talking to a woman on the phone and making plans to get together for tea say, “Let me ask you a quick question. Do you ever flake out on things?”

She’ll say, “Not usually” (or some other non-committal thing, most likely).

Say, “Good, because it’s one of those things that I really can’t deal with… people that can’t keep their word…and there are a lot of flaky people in this world.”

That might help.

And if she DOES flake at the last minute, don’t accept it.

If she calls and says, “Oh, something came up…” just answer back, “You know, I was just starting to think you were DIFFERENT from all the flaky women I’ve met”…

Make it clear to women that it is NOT OK to waste your time and they’ll waste it less.

But, if you act nice and sweet and accommodating… and you transmit the message that it’s OK to flake because you’re a nice guy and won’t care, then it will happen to you all the time.


hey dave,

i need an answer to a question that has confused the hell out of me. well, i received a bunch of red roses for valentines day from my girlfriend of about 2 months now. i gave her 2 roses, a small teddy bear thing and a short card with a bit of c+f talk. i figured that i had made a bit of a mistake by buying her this much, but when i gave it all to her she looked so happy and told me that SHE owed ME bigtime for what i had done. the rest of the day i had no problems with kissing her or anything else. my question is, why havent i been seen as a wuss to her? i know that in most other scenarios, buying this much stuff would have got me nowhere.

by the way, your research and advice is all spot on. its helped me to attract loads of girls, including my current girlfriend. thanks and keep up the great work mate.




The reason she said that she “owes you big time” is because of the WAY you did it.

When you incorporate the attitude into all of your communication with women, it has a HUGE impact.

The fact that you:

1) Did something thoughtful (the card, two flowers, etc.)

2) AND you said Cocky & Funny things in the card

…clearly communicated that you were NOT doing this because you wanted to kiss up to her and get her approval.

One of the greatest things you can do is EVERY time you do something nice for a girl and she THANKS you for it say, “Yeah, you owe me” in a sarcastic tone.

Then, later, get her to pay up.

Personally, I like massages.

There’s something magical about always putting a high value on yourself, your time, and your attention. If you put a high value on it, women will too.

…and a couple of final thoughts…

There are two KEY aspects of learning how to be successful with women and dating:

1) The Inner Game

2) The Outer Game

The INNER GAME is all about learning how to THINK and how to manage your thoughts and emotions. It’s also about understanding how and why attractive women feel that amazing emotion called ATTRACTION for some men and not for MOST men.

The OUTER GAME is all of the techniques, what to say and such.

Which is more important?

Well, they’re BOTH important.

But what I notice is that most guys want to learn the OUTER GAME first.

In other words, they want the pick up lines, the fancy tricks, and other things.

I can remember when I first started learning this stuff.

I had this idea in my mind that if I could learn how to get women to give me their numbers that I’d be the MAN.

Well, I learned that. I can get just about any woman’s phone number in just a few minutes.

But guess what?

Once I learned how to get women’s phone numbers, I ran into a much BIGGER issue… the women usually flaked out on me, didn’t show up, etc.

And the ones that DID show up were difficult.

Nothing happened.

I realized that there had to be more.

And, as it turns out, there is. A LOT more, in fact.

The REASON that the “Inner Game” is so important is that attractive women don’t judge you on your “pick up lines”.

And just because a woman gives you her phone number or email address DOES NOT mean that she FEELS anything inside (like ATTRACTION).

Women don’t DECIDE to feel ATTRACTION for a man.

ATTRACTION is something that happens on its own, for its own reasons.

Attraction Isn’t A Choice!

The way to cause women to feel ATTRACTION for you is to UNDERSTAND how and why it works, and then communicate in a way that makes it happen.

And, if you haven’t had a chance to download my eBook Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Womenthen you need to do that now. You can download it and be reading it within a few minutes…

Free Dating Tips For Men

If you’ve tried all kinds of techniques, and nothing seems to “work”, then you need to work on your Inner Game. When you get the inner game together, everything will start to work a LOT better…

I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

David DeAngelo